The Event | Thee Trinity Creation® e-Manuscript 2999 Everlasting© / Master Sage Joseph M

"The finest written work on the real Meaning of Life Numbers and the Revelation of Truth."

I had been an electronics college professor and a professional musician; my family was so proud of me, a college teacher and I was regarded as an excellent drummer even by my peers. I had successfully written a drum technique book and ran a busy drum studio. I studied hard and I worked hard but living just kept stealing the life right out of me! Initially I thought my music career and college position were the right choice for me, in time I discovered they were not. They were only right for what others wanted me to be and had me believe I should be. I was trapped into a life determined by others; I never even knew what was personally of critical importance to me but I knew I was extremely unhappy and becoming mortally stressed out. I frantically searched finally turning all of my attention to the Eternal Spiritual Realm; I desperately needed its lasting peace within this world of the ever confusing transient, however peace and serenity was not oncoming!

In my new world of suffering I was terribly alone...no friends, no family, no job, no real home and I lost all of my vision in life! The extreme emotional hurt that had engulfed me coupled with the soul piercing physical pain was just too much for me to bear! Totally devastated and so completely isolated within my encapsulating sphere of severe suffering 'I really had no choice for what I was about to do'!

I say 'concrete' because the anorexia had begun to take its toll on me within every aspect of my waking and sleeping life, but its deadly assault was not as immediate as suicide.

"Such a horrible time, more horrific than anything I could have ever imagined yet this was my new everyday reality!"

I had been hospitalized for just under a week following my first suicide attempt... My ultimate purpose in this first attempt was not to actually end my life, although it could easily have been the consequence; I merely wanted to attain a state of comatose lasting several years.

Late evening and there I was, standing on the outside of an overpass guardrail holding on but with my index and middle finger! Leaned over the edge as far I could about to let go at any instant, seemingly out of nowhere a policeman caught my attention! Ever gently walking closer and closer to me promising he would not touch me, he "just wanted to talk". I believed him for I was generally very trusting of another’s word and felt an odd type of caring in him for simply wanting to talk to me, so I held on and listened. He spoke softly and reassuringly to me all-the-while stealthily and steadily moving in on me. All of a sudden he grabbed me! Not weighing much more than one-hundred pounds he easily pulled me over the railing to safety. I felt betrayed!

I was admitted to the 'Psych Ward' in the third floor of the General Hospital of the City called Cornwall, Ontario, Canada named 'The Friendly City" as those in Power chose to name it, but it was and still remains a horrible city of much violence, despair, poverty and so much smuggling and drug addictions everywhere by the natives who move back and forth rather freely between Quebec, the USA and of course Cornwall for their lsland and Indian reserve borders all of these. I Miraculously in 2002 within one of my deep Self Empowering Meditations realized my Family, my wife Rosalie, our young baby Arian and myself must escape the Horror of Cornwall. I eventually moved to Moose Jaw Saskatchewan, and Amazingly it was called the Friendly City as well which indeed it was. But let go back once again to 1987.

Amazingly while in the hospital no one realized I had Anorexia Nervosa, not the nurses nor even the doctors. I was extremely good at keeping its horrible secret to myself. I knew by then anorexia had indeed inflicted me but I was not going to let anyone know because I was ashamed of it, and it served my yearning for self-destructiveness so very well. I can clearly recall the nurses kidding that they wish they could eat as I did, “like a bird” they would say. Most of them were overweight and they wanted to emulate my sparse way of eating. They had no idea I was dying inside and even outside!

I had asked my rather uncaring Mother to drop off my small blue Yoga mat in my Psycho Hospital room. Laying it beside my hospital bed I did a tremendous amount of abdomen intensive exercises immediately shifting to Yoga when any of the Nurses of Doctor walked into my room.

I had developed a tremendous fear of growing a "pot belly" because my Mother always ridiculed and degraded my Dad profusely for having one. Ironically she herself abused laxatives daily and was on perpetual derelict diets. Even from a very young age she always told me to pull my stomach in, push my chest out and take little breathes. In the depth of my anorexia, desperate for Love I eventually built up the courage to ask my mom, "Will you still love me if I get fat?" Her response is why I feared asking such a question: "You are far too 'active' to ever get fat!" Yet 'anorexia active' was killing me!

The second day of my hospital stay I became exhilarated upon discovering an exercise bicycle enclosed in a small room at the end of the hallway on my floor. I had the bicycle all to myself as no one else seemed interested. I really went at it!

I explained to the nurses the exercise was good for keeping my stress down, and dumbly they all believed me. Not one had any understanding of what was truly driving me to work out so uncontrollably. During my oppressive and confining stay in the hospital I, through much will power and a lot of exercise managed successfully to suppress my extreme agitation. I became everything they wanted me to be. I was released after a rather short stay of approximately five days.

"At the peak of my anorexia, early 1987 through to late 1988, I was physically active at an aerobic

This is only existing photo in existence of that horrible time, sneakily snapped at my uncle's house in 1987 by my Aunt Cherrie who like a Mother to me.

(I ALWAYS carried my hand grip exercisers on me concealed within my jacket, squeezing them as fast and hard as I could where ever I could!

If you look carefully you can see them poking the material outwards at the bottom of my pockets, particularly my right hand!)

What nearly killed me, independent of the severe weight loss and my body gradually eating itself,

was the extraordinary guilt I would feel after I 'lost it' and 'munched out' ravenously.

"Invariably following a drastic 'munch out' I would want to kill myself for I felt like a total failure,

and the excruciating physical pain I was tortured by drove me to make many other suicide attempts!

There were far too many traumatic experiences in that exceedingly dark phase of my life to speak of them all, however I can clearly remember one time being so very, very hungry and making the error of drinking alcohol during the daytime. This lowered my anti-eating resolve and I went on a totally absurd binging frenzy! Once I began there was no stopping me; I went from restaurant-to-restaurant eating burgers, pizza, steak, chicken: all of the foods I had forbade myself from consuming one right after the other! Then it suddenly ended!

It was only a short walk from that last restaurant, Coco`s Steak Bar, to a nearby railroad track. I cut through the field and readily reached my destination, a busy railway frequented by both passenger and box car trains. Excitedly I spread my body across the tracks feeling elated knowing I would soon be free of this living horror. My nightmare life is finally at an END!

I remained there waiting in delightful peace but "Where is the train?", I waited, and waited, and waited... then I began to question if I really did want to be splattered all over the place? Reluctantly, I pushed myself off the tracks and slowly crawled into the adjacent ditch in which I inadvertently fell down into a thick brush. Amazingly a minute or two later a passenger train came whizzing by!

I was then completely defeated, bugs crawling over me and mosquitoes buzzing about so I then finally decided to admit myself

While walking towards the hospital my resolve began to dim. I could not take any more of the demeaning by my perturbed wife of then, and of my parents and other family members. I felt like no one really cared: they really didn't care nor did they Truly understand my suffering!

They were always so hurtful in the things they did and said to me. I never quite made it to the Hospital and ended up at a bar, the usual way I would end my evenings prior to settling in my ugly Parent`s basement which I called my "home".
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"Another suicide attempt that summer held even a more bitter emotional impact upon me than the previous one."

The night prior I had planned my death for noon next day. Once again I had driven myself beyond my own physical capabilities. The pain was so tremendous I could hardly move, yet the sickness that I had been inflicted with forced me to proceed. My muscles were devouring themselves! Yet in a strange and striking twist I could not face my crippling emotional anguish without the presence of massive physical pain! I certainly could not ever just lay there and "relax" as ignorantly advised by my so called "loved ones"! I no choice! Anorexia was in command.

In horrific pain and completely exhausted I awoke around 9:00 a.m. Jubilation overwhelmed me! I realized this would be my very last living day! Only three hours to go and I was off on a 30 mile bicycle jaunt: anorexia was in command! Once back in town I bought several bottles of sleeping pills at different drug stores as to not look suspicious. Having purchased three or four bottles of sleeping pills, one being extra strength, I speedily dropped my bike off at "home": the spider infested, dusty, musty smelling boot-wearing-wet basement of my Parents’ house and then I ecstatically speed-walked to the closest bar! They all opened at noon in Ontario back then and noon it was!

"I downed handfuls of sleeping pills with my beer but no one seemed to pay much attention to me."

Finishing off my quick lunch of around fifty pills plus and a few beers I buoyantly wandered about the streets feeling like was going to finally going put an end this rupture within my very living. Eventually feeling very sleepy I headed towards the basement, however as I got close I suddenly and involuntarily began shaking like a leaf on a breezy day! I hurriedly continued forth hoping no one would notice my strange condition. However my father was sitting in the shade drinking his beer near the only outside entrance to the basement! I was stunned! Obviously he apprehending my bizarre state angrily called me over and lamented, “What crazy thing did you do now?” Since he really did not want to get too involved I easily shrugged him off and headed straight downstairs.

Sleepy I was but sleeping did not realize itself! I just kept shivering as though I was in the dead of winter! This uncontrollable persisting exasperation forced me to realize that I might not want to die, not like this anyway but what was I to do? I could not again face my parents nor appalling wife with what I had done, and I certainly did not want to return to the hospital! Frantically I started downing gallons of water and prayed intensely that I would not die.

Upon return of my Mothers' afternoon outing she immediately heard my repugnant vomiting sounds emanating from the basement. She came down to see what was going on? It would have been around 5 or 6 p.m. Still trembling I told her I might not survive the night because of what I had just done.

“Well... just stay here and when I get back from my bingo I’ll come down and see how you’re doing.”

Sure enough when she returned from her bingo a several hours later she came down to check on me. Incredibly I was still alive and awake! We agreed going to the hospital might be best. She then called my uncle, concerned he willingly gave us a ride. My dad was totally disgusted by me.

Upon our arrival I was immediately admitted. The attending nurse dispensed me a large glass of liquid charcoal prompting me to drink it all! Immediately following they rushed me to the Intensive Care Unit. I loved intensive care because I really felt 'cared for'. I wholeheartedly wished I could just stay "here" as long as I wanted to! However after a day of sleeping and another day of extensive monitoring I was brokenheartedly moved to the 'Psych Ward' once again. I was released a few days later.

I suffered through so many attempted suicides Miraculously failing at every one! Previous to each of these horrendous experiences the same rhetoric would play through my mind: "this is the one that will DO IT!" But instead of losing my life I was blessed with a New Life beyond anything I could of ever imagined. My Rebirth was complete: a total transformation into living TRUTH(33)!

To name of few of my close calls with death: I walked out in front of a fast moving transport truck! I ingested a whole bottle of prescribed Antabuse with plenty of alcohol believing it would cause me to have a severe Heart Attack, this was according to my 'Doctor of Psychiatry'. Yes this story in its fullness is really tugging at me to be told, but perhaps another time. The mushrooms I thought would DO IT for sure, so many times as I walked along the streets and lonely paths I would randomly pick assorted wild mushrooms, and saved them in my little plastic bag for later that evening. Usually around 10:00 pm or thereabouts, I would go to this dusty musty Chinese restaurant and order steamed rice with fried mushrooms and a beer. The owner actually had come to like me, for usually no one was there and we would sometimes talk. Unknown to him however I would from my little bag of 'hopefully deadly mushrooms' mix them in with the cooked ones. I always made sure to eat all of the mushrooms in my bag! The first time I did this I thought for certain I would be dead within a few days! Gosh even Buddha died at the age of 88 eating poison mushrooms inadvertently picked for him by one of his best friends for a casual meal together. It must have been 7or 8 times minimally in which I had gone through the mushroom routine and finally just gave up on it.

In wholehearted thanksgiving I began to beg and pray intensely for the crucial answers to the life questions I needed to know!

"Why is this happening to me? What have I done to deserve such suffering? How can I ever go back into the World of the normal everyday?

What is my life really worth? How long need I endure this pain and unbearable suffering?"

Instead of receiving direct answers I began to feel deep within myself the hurt and pain of those in past who had suffered, and of those of present who are in suffering. For the first time ever in my entire life I truly felt real compassion towards others beyond my own desires and needs. I could comprehend their agony and felt it merge with mine; I fully accepted this inner transformation of Self so that I may give them relief. "It was extremely comforting being so connected to these many people whom I only knew through their suffering. I experienced love as not ever before and no longer was I alone." In this enigmatic union my thoughts and questions evolved from self-focused ones to those of Life itself:

"What is life? Why do people have to suffer? How can I in the person I am help the many in suffering?

What knowledge and Life wisdom must I be enabled with to be all I can be for others?"

I realized I could not go back into the world without these fundamental answers: "I absolutely needed to know!"

Rapidly walking along darkened paths late at night frequently gazing up at the night sky I would pray in total abandonment of Self... I offered my entire Being to the Creator: to God! At times I would transcend my pain and agony leaving this Earth Uniting in Perfect Oneness with the Creator! During these incredibly enlightening moments I was completely free: free of my terrific body pain, free of my little thinking self, free of my inner torment, free of everyone and everything! I was Absolutely Free!

"I was transformed into a Magnificent Oneness of Consummate Consciousness with the Eternal Energy of Life Itself!"

However to my disappointment I could not sustain these Eternal junctures for very long, I would then fall back down to earth to the pain and suffering... this amazing nightly adventure would go on for hours on end eventually completely exhausting me! I would then make my way to a bar and drink until I was ready for sleep. It did not take long for the numbness to overtake my body and mind facilitating my 'going home' to the horrible darkness and loneliness of the basement I lived in. Once there I could not help but peek out of my dirty cracked window seeing my newly built house right next to me. No longer was it a home for I had been unitarily kicked out by my now separated wife, I longed to be a real family once again back with my 2 boys whom I loved very much and they I.

I always woke early in the morning, not ever eating anything and I would begin my insane exercise routine that lasted most of the day and throughout the evening unto my nightly hallowed adventures. I still was not free, not just yet when suddenly a fervent compulsion overtook me with the knowing I must leave!!!

In my heightened transcendent state of mind which came in bursts usually during my prayer or spontaneously on occasion I was unmistakably told that I must leave! Presumably I asked : “But where am I to go?” ... the signs started to appear. While walking bits of paper would catch my attention, perhaps the song of a bird or the rustling of the wind through the leaves: all slight clues as to my destination but still not enough! I was compelled to keep searching!

Noon one Sunday running in at my Aunt’s place a newspaper caught my attention! Large heading letters began calling out to me spelling something. It was only 3 or 4 letters but suddenly the Awakening stuck me! I was go to Toronto! Why? I was not certain but I considered this could have a direct connection to the 9 lottery numbers which I knew I must play! Perhaps I was going there to pick up my big win? Perhaps this was going to be my Awakening unto an 'Enlightened One'?

The very same day my long journey began; Toronto was approximately 400 miles west of where I lived. It was mid-day. I packed extremely light with very little money on hand and began to walk... Yes walk the distance! I had no choice!

It was summer 1988 and my very first night out a powerful thunderstorm storm struck accompanied by fierce pounding and lightening illuminating the entire sky! It was awesome but also very frightening! There I was out along the side of the highway walking in the midst of this living revulsion of nature!

I was thrilled to the max upon reaching a small town whereby I quickly found shelter in an abandoned apartment building. The building itself was locked up but there was a large veranda where I could be spared the down poor. My very first night out and already I was completely discouraged and definitely not wanting to go on! I desperately questioned:

I was apparently 'Told' I would win! I was not 'Told' I would become Enlightened! I very reluctantly made a quick call from a nearby pay phone to my separated wife. It had now been since Christmas Eve 1986 that she had forced me to leave my home, although there had been short time frames whereby I was allowed to back 'Home' but always the same old same old: out I would get kicked for the slightest disagreement. In my momentary desperation I tried reaching out to her but all that happened was the usual: I was criticized profusely, demeaned, ridiculed and degraded until I finally just hung up! Well there was no going back to that horrible marriage, nor did I want to return to the appalling living conditions of my parents basement! Feeling so very alone and defeated I warily returned to my solitary shelter and slept there the night.
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Next morning came an intense heat wave, the sun was merciless, temperatures hovered in the high 90 degree range but I nevertheless walked, and walked, and walked. Easy it was not! I didn’t carry any food or water with me which kept my backpack quite light and provided me with the added impetus propelling me forward unto the next town.

At night I would find a spot to sleep wherever I could; all I had with me in sleeping gear was my very thin blue yoga mat, the very same one that I had used in my hospital stays. My sleeping quarters were a house in process of being built, behind a business that was closed and one night even a graveyard. At dawn I would wake and immediately continuing forth on my journey. This went on for five days when on the fifth day, which was a Thursday, something happened that disturbed my normal pattern of settling in early evening and kept me going on further than I usually would have.

In one of the small towns I passed through there were a couple of guys who began heckling me and following me closely with their car. They came and they went, called me names, and came and went again. As darkness was falling they were still around; I knew that if I settled somewhere and these guys found me I would probably get beaten and robbed, so I continued walking along the highway where I felt safest. A couple of hours later I was approaching Kingston, a small metropolitan area in Ontario. The hecklers were no longer in pursuit of me. I relaxed somewhat and periodically I would once again gaze up at the majestic clear night sky.

My walking was rapid and my body movements distorted due to the physical pain I had to endure, my shoes were worn and every part of my body was in severe ache! I would therefore be forced to continually shift my body position to change the muscles that were being worked permitting me to keep proceeding onward . I can just imagine I looked quite strange to those who passed me by, but it was a very practical way of keeping me going without my muscles completely cramping up. I was right in the middle of a strange body shift simultaneously looking up at the stars in wonderment when 'It' happened:

An instantaneous flash and It was over! I realize due to the extreme limitations of the human brain had It been any longer than an instant total brain burn out would have occurred. In that moment I was completely transformed into 'Thee Trinity Creation', thrust into what this Spiritual Energy wanted me to be! I had no choice!

Miraculously I had won two hundred dollars that very morning on the 9 number lottery ticket! Not 'The Big Win' I had considered happening but sufficient to sleep the night in the comfort of an Hotel. To my bafflement Friday morning my motivation to continue on was almost nil? Yet for some oddity of reason I nevertheless pushed myself forth, but my journey shifted to one of little meaning and much difficulty!
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On Sunday evening approximately half way to Toronto I grudgingly decided to return 'home' feeling completely drained and uncertain as to what had really taken place that Thursday evening? It was getting dark so I hastily headed out to the larger four lane highway in an attempt to hitchhike a ride back home. Darkness was coming on so I forcibly propelled myself onward with my anorexia keeping me on my feet and moving me forward as long as I possibly could! Darkness was upon me yet a ride was not forthcoming: I was totally despaired! Everywhere I looked all I could see was swamp, where was I ever to sleep? In that very instant I became so very angered at The Power that called me on this seemingly futile journey and what of the night of 'The Event'? I complained and swore at 'God' profusely! Just when I was about to collapse from total exhaustion, walking completely bent over at any moment ready to fall face first to the ground I was incredibly tossed a life saver: the ride! A car pulled off the road just in front of me! I could hardly believe it!

I felt so alone in that moment prior abruptly realizing I was not alone by any means, the Energy, 'God', was with me all along! Amazingly all it took was that one ride, approximately 5 to 7 hours later I was back home, back to the dreadful basement of my parents’ place... not yet realizing

"Elizebeth has Intelligently and Passionately made irrefutable correlations between the Gospel of John and who I AM(47)!"

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® THEE TRINITY CREATION logo is the official trademark of THEE TRINITY CREATION and registered to Eugene Morin. (1995/2005).

All material on this Web Site, the Domain name and the Web Site itself are owned by Eugene Morin. (2003).

All rights reserved. Master Sage Joseph M