Divinely Conceived

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 AskMe 3, New®

Numbers Interpreted in Truth(33)

I use my Powerful Spiritual Connection to the Eternal and my in depth Life Wisdom to accurately interpret the message that lies within the Meaning of Numbers as defined within Thee Trinity Creation: the irrefutable Universal language of Numbers. There is "no actual formula", it is not really that simple. Upon reviewing a Number I immediately allow myself to go into a State of Transcendence and Spiritually "feel" the Message contained within that Number. I am very accurate in my Interpretations, of course what is being shared with me by the Person must be of TRUTH(33). If a Person for whatever reason is being dishonest in Her or His email information I can usually sense it, and I ask them to explain further in order to ascertain the validity of what they are saying. Sometimes the Person shares with me a very limited amount of information, in those cases my response is more general, however when I am given detail I am far more specific in how the interpretation of the Numbers relate to that Person`s Life situation. Thee Trinity Creation® is irrefutably THE SYSTEM(3) of Numbers Meaning which I use exclusively in my Number Interpretations; it is the only Number Meaning System that is True. Thee Trinity Creation is unique and SUPREME(85) within the World, I often refer to it as the Numerology of Truth(33).


There are two types of Numbers that people generally share with me, sometimes one or the other and sometimes both. There are Fixed Number associations and there is Spontaneous Transient Number Awareness™. This latter type of Number has a far greater depth of Life Meaning to it. As an example of these different Number types Date of Birth Numbers are Fixed whereas a Number that makes itself known within a Dream or a Number(s) that a person suddenly becomes Consciously aware of is a Spontaneous Transient Number Awareness. The Spontaneous Transient Number Awareness™ is the most revealing because it is a unique Spiritual Communication within a specific time frame {transient}directed to only that Person in that particular way. There are many people born on the same Numeric day but the Spontaneous Transient Number Awareness™ in the exceptional way it is revealed to the Person is unique to only that Person and to their Life situation. 

Once your Energy level opens up the Eternal your Consciousness Numbers Communicate to you and their Meaning Revealed through the Universal Language of Numbers of Thee Trinity Creation®.

EuGene

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Subject: Thanks    Number 6
Hi EuGene!
 

I just have received The Book! Thank you a lot. It is special indead. I will try to draw all of those symbols for myself. May be I could understand something. Now I have the tool to work with.   MOTIVATION(6) - it is the symbol that I was talking about. It came to me in one of my first sessions. It was very dinamic, very full of Energy, like it came to show me the way. It gave me a lot of MOTIVATION indead.   Thank you again. I will talk to you soon. I hope that you will find the time to guide me.   With Love to you and to your family.

Marian

Australia

Hi there,

My name is Steve and I live in B.C .Please,be patient with my typing as I,ve just started using a computer a few months ago.I learned a couple comp. languages in 1974 in the UofC (Calgary) however Have forgotten almost everything I used to know.First let me say I enjoyed and was very pleased to see someone else was into what I have been into for so many years now.I,am not quite sure when you moved but I wish you much happiness and the success in your teachings in your new town.The journey again begins.I am only prepared to spend a few min. on this E-Mail as I,ve been going for many hours now,so I,ll get right to it.For the past thirty years I have pursued spiritual concepts of many many types but I still seem to be searching.Searching isn't quite the right word "Being"or Becoming is more like what I mean.I,ve learned that my present spiritual learnings must stand up to my Total Beingness or 360 degrees of my use.My God, Great Wonder,Great Mistery is all encompassing ; Love ,Life,as the Christian bible says I am, I am Alpha and Omega I have been and always will be.AS I have learned my Great Mistery is THREE,Father,Mother(Call her Goddess) and the Son(I call the great Teacher)also I believe there are many other spiritual beings that come to me in times of need or times of learning.Hense,I therefor am here in this life experience to learn Everything.Also,over the years have come to believe in Re-incarnation and have enjoyed learing about past lives.Saying all this helps to show who/what Iam Spiritually.Let me say Though that I BELIEVE ! Therefore,I am looked after in every means/way in all my needs EVERYTHING.There it is this is Steve Marchand at least Spiritually.I have gone thru all this to make communications easier and more accurate.I do have questions.I,llask only one now.Do you believe that God protects you?If yes Why? If no what is his/her/its reason for being? Please accept I do understand the usual responses I,am interested in the more obscure answeres .My E-Mail address is----- also my phone no.is ------. My address is -Stephen----- B.C. . Please respond. Steve.

 

Hi Steve,

Your line " Therefore,I am looked after in every means/way in all my needs EVERYTHING. " really connected with me for it is less important what we believe in but most important how that belief can become manifested in a very content, happy and fulfilled life. Indeed it sounds like you are that person.

Yes I Am very happy in my new home town, a movement within my Meditation led me here, the journey was very arduous but the result is all I could possibly ask for.

Now for your questions: Do you believe that God protects you?If yes Why? If no what is his/her/its reason for being?

Really what needs to be looked at before such questions are properly responded to is what is your definition of God. The term God is used by so many people in so many different ways that I could not possibly give any type of meaningful answer without first knowing what God is to you, how do you define and relate to God? I do not by any means wish to defer giving you an answer here to your questions but without this information any answer I give would really be meaningless. I truly apologize for a lack of a concrete answer but I do look forward to your response and then to the best of my Knowledge I will provide you with a response to your inquiry.

Have yourself a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING and it sounds like you do have a lot to give thanks for, I certainly do.

Sincerely,
EuGene



Good morning Eugene;

Thanks for responding so quickly.What is GOD? You know I haven't thought about that for some time now but I,m interested in my own response so here goes .God-well firstly GOD is you , me, everyone,
 Everything! That is too simplistic I know ,however, I,ll be more exacting.Have come to believe that GOD is the beginning/end and if we look at what The Great Mistery is I usually draw a circle and say this is GOD. Now cut the circle into half,cut in half again, and again and again.Now we have a circle cut up just like a pie; remove one wedge or pie piece.This is you, me, and everyone who has ---"OUR"---Experiences : every minute happening,every relationship in fact every second of every lifetime "WE" have experienced and every molecule that is making up everything that's in this wedge [ has been from the very start and will be until we have experienced everything ] of course those that began in this wedge stay in this wedge Now, here is found the answere to one of the oldest questions asked by mankind,< What am I doing here?> <What is my purpose?> Have come to believe My Reason For Living is to "BECOME AS GOD" EXPERIENCE Everything! Become God because We ,everyone of us is GOD always have been always will be.Many ask me if that's true, then,What of right/wrong? good/bad ect.Well, there it is in a nutshell,I KNOW that we must consider (as soon as One can) use our experiences/lives happenings to decide(every ten min. if necessary)  what I believe what is right/wrong Good/bad etc in order that I may live my life exactly as I believe I must. Of course here is the big problem/s.what is correct? The fact is TRUTH is as we PERCIEVE it to be.Because we are human and prone to ERRORS What's important is what we believe to be truth(don't fool your self, to yourself be TRUE!) .If we error,believing its the TRUTH we are not in fault.Consider, When you were 8 years of age you believed "X"was the truth.Now,you are 20 years of age You ask yourself how could I be so VERY WRONG "X" is not true "X"is in fact "X.1".The same apply's when you are 50 years of age,"X.1" is absolutely wrong (how the hell could I be so wrong?) It is "X.1.111".By the time I am 60 I am really scrued-up. There it is.Life is not finite in fact life is" ?". By many years of experience (60 years) I have however,mostly by trial and error,learned that My GOD is three{Sacred Geometry} God the FATHER,God the MOTHER, and God the SON. Also,it is very important to note at this point that there are any number of SPIRIT POWERS that may involve them selves in my life.For some reason I don,t understand why?,all the spirit powers are totally independent of each other.I don,t know why,.To close I also am answerable only to myself Already know what my TRUTH is,for the moment anyway. I hope this helpful,Peace and LOVE toYou and yours and have a great coming week.

Steve.

 

Hi Steve,

You certainly do have quite a detailed and finely worked conceptualization of "What is God". You are very learned in the Spiritual realm, and it seems from what you have expressed to me in your last email you have a rather clear meaning of God. I will answer your questions now, and I believe it should blend in with your concept of God. Your question was : Do you believe that God protects you?If yes Why? If no what is his/her/its reason for being?

My answer is: It is in the Creation itself, you, me and everything that exists, that the protection of evolution is within contained. All of Life will continue to evolve, the Perfection within it assures its imperfections { that are really not imperfections as such but simply not fully evolved} to continue on perfecting itself: evolution. So in a inherent way God protects the Human species from destruction of itself and I of Human is thus protected within that larger framework. The reason is obvious, anything that one creates is a part of Oneself, the Creator, and thus one wants to protect it: we want to protect our children which are created from us, God wants to protect his children which is the Human race. All of Life is a Perfect balance of imperfection Perfectly moving towards complete evolution which will maintain the Human species, the Highest in the chain of evolution. 

EuGene

 

Hello Eugene,

Thanks for responding.Yes,What you say is exactly correct.In the the rest of what you had to say is not quite right,you see I may know quite a lot about spiritule matters however,I quite often find myself alone living my spiritule existance all by myself.I seek out other people but it ends the same most folks are frightened by God or God words.
I spent 14 years of my early life in Kirkland Lake Ont. I also was in Toronto/Calgary/Northern Alberta/Campbell River .B.C./Trail/Nelson and Salmo B.C. over the past 78543567425785689 years, since1965. The reason I am spending some time on this is I recognize your  name and your face Perhaps in some other time.You know,many years ago 1962/3 I was in Toronto getting out of the armed forces.I was at the lowest point in my whole life It was at that time I was developing my spiritual ideas the point is in those days I was never alone.(I was never a shallow person lacking in charactor) I had come to a realization I was not for the milatary .  It seemed I experienced trama then I grew spiritually.I became a teacher in 1974 and my life began ,as I knew it anyway.Yes Ilearned a lot but with this incredible knowledge the more Iwas alone.For most of those years I was alone but absolutely not lonely.However, over the Past ten months I have noticed that I,m getting lonely.what do you think would be a good course of action for me to change this lonelyness?

Steve.

 

Hi Steve,

Well I will attempt to guide you out of your loneliness, you see at the very core of Spirituality is people, as we grow in Spirit there is a very strong and natural propensity to share our Knowledge and that which we have grown into with others. What happens however is sometimes the person or people we want to share ourselves with is not equally developed as we are and for them our subject matter is too deep, they are more of the shallow type of personality, similar to what you used to be and sure enough you had people around you then. People tend to gravitate towards those similar in interests and development as they are. Now you must begin to re-integrate yourself with others because this loneliness is calling out to you to share that who you are with others and to discover the Person in others. So there are really two approaches you may take, either could work but I believe the second one here that I mention may be the most effective. First you may seek out others of similar Spiritual development, however the problem here is two-fold, it may be difficult finding those of similar Spiritual development and if you do their views may clash with yours. So perhaps the second approach will work the best. Start with getting together with one or two people, someone that you are somewhat familiar with already, and when you do rather than express your views and extensive Spiritual understanding truly listen to them. Let yourself flow at their level of Person and Truly respect them for who they are independent of their Spiritual development. Rather than merely focusing on the things they are saying get in touch with the person that they are. Come to know them and Love them, listen and respond in uplifting comments. As time goes on you may begin to express yourself, and they will be more receptive to you at that point. Begin easy and feel out how they are reacting to what you are saying. In time you will have many people around you and in particular you may find someone that really connects to you, the person, and you to them.

Remember the Person is usually most interested in themselves and in what they have to say; understand this, listen and respond in a supportive tone with accepting comments and your loneliness should gradually fade into the horizon.

EuGene

 

Thanks Eugene,

It,s good of you to respond so quickly.I will try what you have to say and let you know how it goes .

Thanks much, Steve.


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Ask Me©

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Subject: number dream                             Number 10


Hi,


This past week i have been having this weird dream. I do not take part in the dream, i am overlooking what is happening in the dream. There is an older man and a beautiful young girl. They are in a very crouded room, and they are talking about me, the girl seems upset, or anxious about something. And the man is trying to give her advise, i dont understand a word that they are saying. It is all muffled sounds, none of the sounds make sense. They are talking they are drinking from small round cups. As people start finishing there drinks they place the dishes on a large table with small squares with numbers on them. There seems to be a count down, like they are gambling. It seems like they are gambling over me. The girl takes her cup and places it on a tile the number on the tile is ten. There is an overall feeling of chance and importance, with the number ten. I want to know what it means.

thanks for taking the time to read this

Josh

Hi Josh,


I do apologize for the slight delay in getting back to you, I have been somewhat overwhelmed with email inquiries.

There is certainly quite a lot happening within your Dream and of essence everything appears to be so well organized, that is incredible for in Meaning of irrefutability the Number 10 is indeed ORGANIZATION(10).  The reason you are viewing the Dream and not an actual part of it perhaps would indicate that a learning process is attempting to take place.  I would say
that within your Life ORGANIZATION(10) of an effective and efficient manner is lacking somewhat and this Dream is a reflection of that.

Whenever you see the Number 10 remember that in Meaning it is ORGANIZATION(10) and in terms of prioritization begin to Organize your Life. It will certainly be worth the effort.  It is important however to make sure you prioritize. Do not concern yourself presently with being organized in the lesser aspects of everyday living but emphasize the movement in Life towards the Vision you have in Life.  Organize yourself and your surroundings to enhance the Fullness of your Life Vision in a very real way.

I assume you are a very Creative Person and often the creative Person feels burdened with too much Organization and too much Organization can indeed be a burden unto one`s Creativity, but just the right amount of ORGANIZATION(10) helps your Creativity improve your overall Fullness in Life through propelling you forth within Society which allows for the complete realization of your Full Potential as a Person to unfold.

The chance within your Dream is also quite interesting, chance is always a factor in Fulfilling one`s Life Vision but with a Creative Mind and an Organized approach chance becomes a lesser factor for you become the greater factor in the Success of your Life.

Sincerely Yours,
EuGene

Thank you for the time you spent on my dream, it was appreciated. You did speak well of my situation.

Thanks  again
Josh

 

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Names, personal content and identifying information within the email conversation may have been altered and/or removed in order to protect the identity of the Person or Persons involved.

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Subject: number                               Number 666

Please help me understand why I dreamt the numbers 666 last night. Last week my bank account was -666

thank you

Allicia

 

Good Morning Allicia,

Yes I certainly can give you the Meaning of your Number within your Dream and its Message is in synchronism with the fact that your Bank account was of the same.

To begin with I do want you to worry about this Number 666, it has developed a bad name over time but it was through people who did not know the True Meaning of Numbers and now they do: some anyway.  All has been Revealed within the Spiritual Energy Communication of 1988, Thee Trinity Creation is thus born.

In Meaning your Numbers are that of 6 which is MOTIVATION(6) and that of 66 which is WEALTH(66).  To be Motivated towards the accumulation of WEALTH(66) is not in itself a bad thing as long as we do not let it supercede more
important aspects of our Life.  From your Dream and your bank account Number of 666 I`m told that finances are quite difficult for you presently, I know the feeling for they are here as well, and hence you are driven towards improving your situation.  Your drive is expressed in your Dream Number and the fact that the account was of the same Number tells me that your MOTIVATION(6) towards improving your finances are intense indeed. Please remember that this Number 666 is not a bad omen in the least and because the 6`s are so strong it could very well mean that indeed WEALTH(66) will begin
to flow in your Direction.  Remain Motivated, stay True to yourself and to your means of accruing WEALTH(66) and good things should be forthcoming.

I personally have been hit very hard by tight financial conditions, but there is a clearing ahead I`m sure, so will there be for you Allicia.

EuGene

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Subject: Please help a confused woman             Number 333
EuGene,


Greetings I am not able to afford your book at this time; I am a single mom and I truley cannot buy it.


Lately since my 33 birthday in August of 2005 I have waken up in the middle of the night and it was 3:33 am . This has happend on many occasions. I have just so happened looked at the clock any day and it would read 3:33 am or pm. At my place of employment I do numbers and the number 333 would come up on pages in balances etc. I told my friends and co workers about the number and proved to them today when I was looking for a certain job description the page was 333 and the time was 3:33pm. they knew I was serious about these numbers. I am very religious and I have just found my new spiritural way of life. I have had a hard life but sometimes I would ask why me? What is someone trying to tell me? It has been 5 months now and the numbers are still appearing. Today it was bothering me because I need an answer of why are these numbers appearing in my head and what does this represent? Can you please tell me.


The only clarification that I have found that Christ died on the cross at the age of 33 and he rose on the 3rd day? Does this mean my life is changing this year? There were some things that have happen within these last 5 months that were unusual. For example some friends I have had for many years all changed, some of them were not truthful to me and I could not stomach being their friends anymore. I forgive them but what they did was too painful. And now we barley talk.


I am lost and confused please advise if you can.


Thank you my dearest EuGene.
Sincerely,
Kenyetta

 

Dear Kenyetta,  

I`m certainly pleased that you have come to me for yes I can help you Kenyetta, and of particular with your Number Meanings.  You see I had suffered tremendously in the past and I had asked just as yourself "Why me?" I had always considered myself to be a good Person and I tried to follow the way of my Religion so I could not understand why was all of this suffering happening to me.  

Well I suffered and I suffered, and then I suffered some more, it became so extreme that I wanted to end my Life, and then I suffered some more.  But all of it was so worthwhile for through my suffering it brought to the brink of Life itself and that exposed my True Self to myself and it caused me to humble myself before the Lord for I knew I had been lying, particularly to myself about myself.  My transformation of REBIRTH(25) happened in one Grand Event, the Spiritual Energy Communication of 1988 in which Thee Trinity Creation was born, and of which I was born into.  So yes I can understand what you are going through Kenyetta and I can give you the True Meaning of your Numbers, and they are Amazingly in Harmony with what you thought of them. And yes your Numbers are trying to tell you something and now thanks to the Advent of Thee Trinity Creation you will know what they are saying.    

Yes Christ did die when he was 33 and he did rise on the third day and why?  His Life he gave so that others could have Life, Life that was true.  You see of Meaning and this is absolute of the Number 33 is TRUTH(33), Jesus spoke of the TRUTH(33), Jesus lived the TRUTH(33) and he gave His Life so that we could know, live and be One Eternally in His TRUTH(33).  Yes the Number 33 is TRUTH(33) and it is really  incredible that you have mentioned TRUTH(33) relative to your friends. When someone really hurts us for they deceived us in one way of another forgiveness does not come easy, but when forgiveness has come we are then Free of the negative Emotion associated with the pain they caused us and with them.  Hence forgiveness is essential in being able to go on in Life with the Fullness of the Person you are.  When we are bombarded with negative emotion of past it skews our Decision making of the day and takes from us some of our vital Life Energy.  To forgive is to be Free but that does not mean we want to then associate with those who have caused us pain: absolutely not.  We leave the emotion of pain behind and them as well particularly if they are not a core family member.  In that case we must carefully assess the situation to determine if we want or need the ongoing Family relationship.  

The Number 33 would mean that indeed your Life is in change, and it is changing in the Direction of TRUTH(33) and every time you see the Number 33 let it remind you that TRUTH(33) is the way, it is the way of Jesus, it is the way to Fulfillment in Life and it is the way unto Eternal Life. The Number 3 in your 3:33 is also very significant and it is in Magnificent alignment with your Number 33, of Meaning the Number 3 is THE SYSTEM(3) and this is with reference to Thee Trinity Creation THE SYSTEM(3) of TRUTH(33). As well it is of Meaning TRINITY(3) and within the context of Thee Trinity Creation this TRINITY is with reference to the Fulfillment your 3 Elemental Life Energies: of course TRUTH(33) is the way.  Your 3 Elemental Life Energies which are probably in transformation are: the Me, your Emotional Physical interpersonal Self, the Be, your success driven busy Self and the I, your Eternal Spiritual Self.  When TRUTH(33) is your way there is no longer any conflict within these 3 elemental Life Energies and they all begin to flow and be Fulfilled in Unison.  That is Life in its Grandest, and that is the Life you will come to Live Kenyetta, always remember to let TRUTH(33) be your way and as best as possible avoid those who are not of TRUTH(33) for they will attempt to reduce the Fullness of your Person.  In time when TRUTH(33) is really strong within yourself then you can venture into the World of those of less TRUTH(33) and try and have them shift to a Life of TRUTH(33) but you must not do this until you are secure in the TRUTH(33) yourself.  

I trust I have helped ease your confusion, call on me anytime Kenyetta.  

Sincerely Yours,

EuGene

 

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Hi EuGene

Thanks for the Manuscript.  Lots of info there.  I think you'll have me reading and/or pondering for a year to come. May your work be preserved in the way you and the universe intended. 

All the best,
Norena.

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Dear EuGene,  

WOw.........WOW.......... Well even tho you are miles away, I can say you felt me spiritualy....  

Thank you  

There are so many things that I did not say, things that I can't ...don't know how to explain...but I do have faith....Once agin thank you EuGene.  

I am going to send you payment for this....I will ...not sure when yet, butI will....thank you again EuGene.  

From your web  site I see that you get a lot of mail, yet  you answered ....with in  minutes....wow...bless you EuGene...thank  you.  

Lily   

Bless...

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Subject: Question...


I had a dream last night.

When I had the dream about the dog attacking me before it happened--I wasn't on my antidepressants. I purposely didn't take them for a few days.

I have been taking them regularly since and haven't dreamt at all. I forgot to take a dose Sunday morning and dreamt last night/early am.

THE DREAM:

It was about Dee--he had a tatoo on his chest, with two circles that overlapped, they were blue with a small symbol inside each circle. Like a small flag or a square with a pole coming down from the middle. Around the image were what I thought "outlines" for the rest of the tatto but they were wounds etched into his skin...he had one on his left shoulder too--that one I don't remember. I do remember asking him what they meant and he went into an explaination of how meaningful they were and why he got them but never answered what they meant. I asked him again what they meant that I didn't want to hear the other stuff and I still didn't get an answer at least not one that I remember.

Any ideas? I found outo this am when I got home that he had called to let us know he had found a home for my cats and birds.

I have been thru some extremely profound spiritual, (near death experience) these last several weeks and received grace, clarity, serenity, knowingness...What does this dream symbol mean? Why wouldn't my ex-partner tell me its meaning in the dream? Did I not want to hear?

As above, so below; as within, so without. I AM.


Blessing

 

Hi Blessing,

The Dream of the dog attacking you and it coming true does not necessarily imply that the Dream was a premonition, it is quite reasonable to assume that this incident is unrelated to the Dream, it just happened at some point after your Dream hence you made the link. Generally speaking Dreams are not of any premonition, these are very rare indeed and more importantly if you begin to believe that your Dreams are indeed a sign of an event to come you would live in much fear for most Dreams are not of a pleasant nature. This is because the Dream itself is serving a purpose of releasing deep seated fears and anxieties.  Also Dreams tend to often tell us a lot about our self, how we react to various situations within our Dreams speak to us of our basic character. In the case of your Dream with the dog attacking you in all likelihood it is an expression of a fear that you have and if you look at how you reacted to the attack in the Dream this will tell you something about yourself that you may not even be consciously aware of.

Considering you have been through some very difficult personal times in these last few weeks this would add tremendous intensity to your Dreams for there is much repressed emotions that need to be released. The belief that when you take your medication you do not Dream is a misinterpretation, you still Dream however for some reason you may sleep more soundly and you continue sleeping following your Dream instead of waking hence you do not remember your Dreams, but you did have them. Dreaming is a vital aspect of living, we all Dream for it is a critical release of built up emotions that need to be expressed. 

If you are able to see within a Dream its underlying meaning relative to yourself then you come to know yourself better. This can be of tremendous value to you.

In this latest Dream I will assume that Dee is your ex-partner and he is the one who phoned you with the home for your birds and cats. I do not know the particulars of your breakup but your Dream might be saying to you that you are still troubled with unanswered questions as to why the relationship had to end and you are looking to Dee for these answers. However he is not forthcoming with them, perhaps he is keeping something from you as to why your relationship ended. This may be to protect his own character of perhaps to protect you from further emotional pain. If indeed you feel there are unanswered questions relative to your relationship ending the best thing you can probably do is just leave them unanswered. The reason for this is that in attempting to find the answers it will keep you bound to the relationship. You need to gradually free yourself from what was and as you do all the questions will become less and less important to you. Dee is doing you this good deed because he wants to be seen as a nice guy and this is important to him, this would reinforce the reason he was not up front with you concerning your relationship ending, he wants to maintain you seeing him in a positive light. 

I would not in this Dream concern myself too much with the particulars of the tattoos but rather see this Dream as telling you that indeed you have many questions that you would like answered but you ex-partner is not forthcoming with them; try and now let these questions go, release yourself from them for they will keep you entrapped within the relationship. You want to be Free from the relationship itself and from the intense emotions you are suffering due to it ending.

 

Sincerely,

EuGene

 

Hello EuGene,

Thank you for your quick and thorough reply; it is greatly appreciated.

Regarding dream about Dee: Yes, you are right about the preservation of further pain and being the good guy. If not for the experiences he and I had those last several weeks--I would have been a long time in learning those profound lessons.  I can easily see that it had to happen the way it did. Actually, the good guy protection for himself is an essential lesson that he was learning--to be true to himself, take care of himself (for once) as his energy was always spent on caring for others to the point of neglecting himself. Those lessons for me were like mirrors, I saw my own need for growth AND I saw his--so clearly. I saw how each individual event b/w us served a higher purpose (the bigger picture).

I learned the true meaning of forgiveness when he told me he had been with another and I kissed his forhead, held his hand and told him that it didn't matter I still loved him deeply. I understood that he was going through stuff to grow and learn and that I couldn't take his actions personally. I was able to do that ONLY because I had forgiven and accepted myself.

I learned that openness was not about revealing me but that it was allowing "negativity" or percieved negativity to flow through me and not get stuck in me as resentment, anger etc.

I learned that unconditional love, practicing it and living it is a great, infinite source of strength and purpose.

I learned that serenity comes from knowing everything is as it should be and that I am OK and you are OK.

I learned that my deepest fear, abandonment, was a self imposed prision.  When it came down to the nitty gritty and Dee left after my suicide attempt--I was unemployed, asked to leave the house, harrassed by the boss, mom was diagnosed with cancer, grandfather died, dad crashed his car, Dee crashed his car, attacked by the dog---LOL---abandonment stared me straight in the soul and taunted me until I dealt with it and pushed Through it..to where I am today. I am never alone, never abandoned...

I learned that the sorrow and pessimism I have carried around my whole life was a choice and that there is beauty in everything including the losses, tragedies, chaos and dramas.

Do I have deep seated emotions? Yes, one very clear one. Through meditation etc. I got that he and I were supposed to be together, that we would get back together at another time. Ego wanted that much sooner than it was intended.  I am having a hard time honoring THAT and moving on. Yet, I know that the longer I am confused about that "when" the longer it will take me to move foward and the longer my energy will be interfering with his (as you said). Yes, we have touched upon the essence of the dream. I know, too, that time is a relative thing and that "when" maybe another lifetime.

I truly believe that part of my purpose here is as a healer within relationships (for me and for others). I am involved with another that already knows the lessons Dee is in the process of learning but where there are other areas of growth needed. This relationship feels different for me because the "old" me would have taken time for me to be alone, to reflect etc. I have beat myself up over wether or not I was in this one to hide from me as a rebound so to speak. No, it is not. Yet, because my choice to pursue another relationship is so out of character with my old patterns that I am having a hard time accepting it--despite knowing that it is aligned with everything I have learned, feel and believe.  Change can be uncomfortable and risky but without it we are stuck in the same old same old. He worries that I will leave when Dee comes around again. I know that I will see this relationship through to its natural conclusion, if it has one.

Do you have any suggestions that you could share with me about the delimma of moving foward and honoring that certainty?

Blessing

Hi Blessing, 

You have certainly gained a tremendous amount of Life Wisdom: the hard way.  I can relate very well, when my first marriage fell apart so did I >>>totally.  I lost everything: my teaching job, my music career, my home etc. and almost my Life.  For almost two years non stop I went through the most horrible suffering ever imaginable to me: I attempted to end my Life many many times, but the essence of Life prevailed and then the Awakening: Aug. 25, 1988 happened. Thee Trinity Creation was thus born and all of its WISDOM(77) infused within me. Yes suffering can sometimes be the opening to a Grander World, but let us not for one moment think that the suffering in itself is laudable: it sucks BIG time.

The certainty that you are holding on to has been created by yourself as a means of self-preservation: it helped you get through some of the suffering you had to endure.  Now I believe it is time to Create a new honoring: one of moving forward with your Life independent of Dee.  As difficult as this may be it is in all likelihood the better path: ONLY IF YOU ARE READY.  If you wish to hold on to your initial honoring then go ahead, but keep in mind that at some point you must abandon it for it will drain the Life right out of you.  To wait in unknowing with such a Powerful emotion attached to the waiting is to take the very color out of Life. Because however your personal condition may be still somewhat frail determine for yourself if you are ready for moving forward; perhaps even speak to your therapist {I assume you may be seeing one} of this dilemma, he/she may be able to further guide you in the best Decision for yourself.  This new relationship that is now forming is very important to you, will it be for the long term of not is difficult to say, there are many everyday variables and Powerful emotion at work.  I can understand your new friend`s uncertainty relative to Dee, you are still quite vulnerable to returning to him if he offers, and if he sees you as being happy in this new relationship and it is holding out in all probably he will return; not for you per se but rather to regain his physical dominion over you.  Relationships are at the heart of our experience of Happiness in Life, the right one can release GREAT(8) levels of HAPPINESS(34) within us but the wrong one can doom us to misery for the rest of our LIFE(15): handle with care.

Sincerely,

EuGene


EuGene,

It didn't feel like suffering for me, if felt right..not in a martyr sense but in a sense that nothing is inherently good/bad, it is what we make of it.  I choose to see the beauty in the situation, the silver lining. It does not mean that I didn't honor my feelings. I allowed myself to cry, to be angry..but then I chose to step out of that space and move foward. I have had chronic depressions since I was a youth and the realiziation that much of it was choices I was making was liberating. I was cchoosing to wallow in the sorrow and anger and it left me drained and stuck. I like transforming it into positive energy/love now.  It is much easier and much more enjoyable, like a healthy challenge for myself, one to share with those around me.

Yes, you are right. I do see that honoring that would hold me back and take from the relationship I am in now. That is not fair to myself or to him, it would be asking my spirit to be in two places at once and not giving my all to either. I deeply belive that this new relationship is a wonderful gift, a miracle of sorts. I deserve to be able to thrive, to live, to practice and put into experience what I have learned throughout my life and that is happening for however long it may or may not last. You know how when a new experience/opportunity comes into your life or is drawn into your life--It is a doorway opening to challenge old behaviors, thought patterns and to fully accept Spirit/Self in those moments. There is no being stuck in old, outdated habits and patterns and that is change and risk and, yes, they can be uncomfortable or remarkable because it is fully being alive and thriving. (instead of deadend or numbed)

I really enjoy these emails/dialogues. I am grateful for your time, effort, energy and thoughts. Keep shining...

Blessing

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